News — piranhas

The Changing of the Guard 0

Pitiless Poncho Pummels Piranha Pride... Perfectly! 0

Burgmann Fields, IL – I told you those Tiger bastards would win didn’t I? I almost got the Hoyt kicking the sealer while being tackled by Beau too…. but Hoyt missed and Beau couldn’t get near the great man and to the chagrin of DK, neither could any other Piranhas as Hoyt led the Tigers to a classic victory over the flag favorites of Lincoln Park.

The Tigers are hot and have unleashed several gun players this year, just in time to replace big guns Biggs, Burgmann and DeJong and this game was no different as the tigers welcomed in Tommy Gun, whose first up game was bloody fantastic and along with Crackers Brennan, Grisoni, Billy and Oscar late, were able to put enough pressure on the Piranha prime movers to nullify them and to inturn get enough of the kangaroo skin to keep the flamboyant Hoyt in business.

The Tiger backline was where it was won though. Poncho is in absolute rare form (was Saturday night to… just ask Al. Definitely 3 votes there Poncho old son… he made Dave Worniak look sober as a judge!) and completely took apart MacGlashan and then made Roofy look silly before going back to big Al. He was very ably supported by BOG Nemo playing his last game, meaning DeJong and the Tiger brain trust have another big name to replace.

We all expected the Tiger backs to have an effect but with the very gifted midfield of the Piranhas and their massive aerial power, all assembled were just waiting for them to take control, maybe play with the Tige’s a bit, say a bit of a spit and then a swallow and maybe spit again before really going for the head but it wasn’t to be. The trixies started well enough and nailed the first after a HUGE grab by Brian Monico in front of his adoring sister who did a magnificent job keeping score just quietly……. yet another thing Roofy has taught her to do well apparently! OI! Anyway, back to the footy. Monico kicked his first and sadly for him, it was to be his last kick of the day because the Tigers started to roar (another trick roofy apparently has taught Vanessa…. never mind, back to the footy). Playing his best game thus far, Fish was able to blind step the Dangerous Dave Allen and kick goal of the day to open the Tiger account and this was followed up by a classic crumbers goal by Arnaud Mathieut and then a glimpse of classic Hoyt with a mark out front and goal completely upending the drunken sailor in Dave Worniak whose dad was apparently passed out and snoring by this time on the sidelines. At the first break, Tigers had shot out 3. 1: 19 to lead the Piranha army, 1.0: 6

Perhaps the turning point of the game came in this quarter. The Piranhas hit back harder than Dave Worniak at a bottle of Miller Lite and were able to add two through the dangerous Davey Allen and gun winger Ryan Hayse (I was watching, your missus didn’t see it I’m afraid) whose bomb was a classic and one for the highlight reels. Big Al decided it would be prudent to remove Crackers Brennans head and then when Oscar went down with owie, powie popped the shouldie, two big Tiger guns lay dormant on the ground but to their credit, both rose like the phoenix and Oscar went on to snag the last two of the quarter to set the game alight with scores at 5.3: 33 to LP’s 3.0: 18

Macglashan went nuts at half time and demanded much more from his charges as Poncho wondered how he was going to hang on with big names falling like an Enron audit. He need not fear however, for himself and last gamer Nemo were superb in the premiership quarter and try as they may, there was no breaking the Tiger ‘D’ until Monico got a hotly debated (I know cause I made the call, Poncho wasn’t happy with me, hence the sucking up I’m doing in this report… the guys bigger than me and you know what those Irish lads get like after a few drinks!) goal after soccering the bad boy through. Crackers Brennan showed up to snag a late one for the Tigers as the crowd anxiously awaited the last quarter, with the Tigers maintaining a 6.5: 41 to 4.1: 25 lead that looked shakier than Mustards knees.

The massive crowd of 17 (and Oscie of course but he was away annoying 2 lovely young ladies that were playing frisbee on Montrose beach by this time) held their breath as they waited for the Piranha onslaught which came immediately. The Dangerman in Dave Allen was getting plenty of the ball but his kicking let him down as repeated forays forward were shut down by twin DYNAMO’s Nemo and the great man we all know and love as Poncho and the boy wasn’t letting the occasion go by as he was heard repeatedly telling Big Al how many marks he’d taken over him thus far. The Tigers finally weathered the storm that was the Piranha come back and then went on and put them to the sword. First Oscar kicked a bomb from an out on the full decision and then the guy that loves the limelight the most, shone brighter than his knob in St Louis last year (I saw it boys!) burst through a pack and went BANG over the shoulder to put the game away giving the mercurial Brian Hoyt (Pat’s brother) 2 more for the arvo and entrench himself at the top of the coveted MacGlashan Medal. In the end, the Tigers managed to run away with one of their best victories winning 8. 9: 57 to 6. 2: 38.

Piranhas Power to Two in a Row 0

Burgmann Fields, Chicago, IL – In a season of first of’s, the Lincoln Park Piranhas have won two on the trot after outlasting a very gallant Wrigleyville Friday night at Burgmann Fields.

In what was another great turn out by both teams (no team docked points), this game had it all and was a terrific example of Australian Football. The Piranhas went into the game red hot favorites despite the losses of Coach Kastilahn and guru, Al MacGlashan. The Rhinos were without Henzel (groin) and played a very injured Funky Miller against doctors orders. The Rhinos drafted in gun tiger midfielder Brennan and welcomed in first gamers Lance and the nuggety John Scher. The Piranhas borrowed Nemo and if more evidence was needed to prove that everything is going the way of the Trixies this year, they also unleashed gun ruckman Brian Dodds from god only knows where. LP welcomed back el presidente Drewbie (also from god only knows where) and Betty Palmer finally showed up as well to let us all know he was still alive.

The game started tough and went that way the whole game. As mentioned in the keys to the game, the Rhinos had to shut down the big Australian contingent of the Piranhas and all was going well for the boys from Cubsville as their midfield with Gordo, AJ and Wolfe were having the better of Allen, Rogers, Dobbs and Palmer. Ambrosino especially was giving the goldies plenty to think about and after some very smart moves, was able to bang home the first for the game. Not long after, and on 1 leg, funky miller out bustled his man to take a nice grab and even more interestingly, actually kick truly while being propped up by two branches from a nearby tree. The Rhinos, always a strong, committed team were looking dangerous and repeated forays forward by LP were to no avail as they kicked poorly due to the enormous pressure being brought to bear on them as the Rhino defense stood very strong against the big man Roofy, the fiesty Didak, el presidente and Isadore. A shitty bounce cost them though as Ehlers was able to kick a goal laughing as Drake was bamboozled by a Shane Warne like wrong un’. At the first break, it was all squared up, WV 2.0: 12 v LP 1.6: 12

Roofy was able to open proceedings in the second after a cheap handball over the top allowed him to run into an open goal and put LP in front but from then on, the Rhinos took control as they dominated through the middle and down back. Morgan at center half forward was very active and the move of Spider onto Roofy enable Drake to start legging it out of the backline and with McClamroch and Johnson getting plenty of run, things were looking good for the Rhinos. Scher was on top of Didak, Lance and poor vision by the Piranha backs were keeping Hayse out of the game and Brennan and Ambrosino were keeping ‘dangerous’ Dave Allen cold. Morgan was able to mark and goal for his first and Ambrosino capped off some Rhino magic to snag his second and send the Rhinos into the half 5 points up after a dubious shot on goal after the siren by Dobbs was called a point. WV 4.0: 24 v LP 2.7: 19

The feeling was good in the Rhino camp as they came out looking to press home their advantage over the highly paid LP team. LP swung the moves trying various people up forward to break the blockade but it was a sneaky little kick by Beau Rogers that got the Piranhas going and evened the scores. The Piranhas were starting to move the ball better as Dave Allen and Dobbs started to wear down the Rhino on ballers in Brennan, Wolfe and Johnson who after bad injuries to Hoyt P (shot by a sniper behind the grassy knoll… classic stuff if you happened to see it) and Ambrosino (whole body), were unable to change. The game got willing as heavy clashes were the order of the day as players threw themselves at the ball in every contest with the Piranha pride being shown by a ripper of a hit from Bretty Isadore on Drake that saw the latter flying higher than his wife in college. Neither team could break through though as the wind and staunch defences ruled the day. The Rhinos finally broke through and after some magnificent play from Morgan and McClamroch, hit the left tit of Funky 10 meters out but in a Golden Globe classic moment, old Funky decided to play on and the ensuing kick from 5 yards out dead in front missed by 20 yards and the Rhinos were left to rue the fact that OBK’s head didn’t get in the way of that errant shot. At the orange break, LP led 3. 9: 27 to WV 4.1: 25.

The last quarter was going to be a pearla and it didn’t let the large crowd of 12 down. Didak put the first nail in the Rhino coffin as he finally broke the John Scher/ Mike Panek shackles and goaled to put the Piranhas 8 points up and the Piranhas were sniffing a victory. They continued to pepper the goals but it was Morgan at the other end who put the points on the board after running onto a loose ball and kicking a great, Burgmannesque (CAFA bylaws state Waz must be mentioned in each write up) goal 40 meters out on the run which bought the Rhino faithful to its feet.

Players continued to give their all as the Rhino backline, under enormous pressure tried in vain to keep the Piranhas out. The Piranhas helped out with some more poor kicking for goal with both Roofy and Didak missing chances and finally it was up to B.O.G ‘Dangerous’ Davey Allen (whose mum flies in this week, if anyone’s interested in meeting Mrs Allen?) to slot through the game winner and break the Rhinos back. The Rhinos continued to fight though and when Scher ran full steam like one of his Pontiac Grand Am’s through the middle and kicked long, Morgan swept again and almost kicked goal of the year but alas, the post was in the way. Again though the Rhinos attacked, this time through Lance the dance whose handball to Drake saw the ball head in Gordos direction but the sniper popped up again and a second Rhino was left wounded on the ground as K.O.G.S signalled the end of one of the best Metro games played in the 3 years of this competition. Skills were excellent, running was spectacular and even the fitness looked pretty good as the two teams embraced after the game. To the victor the spoils as the Piranhas walked triumphantly unbeaten from the ground. Allen, suffering from a nice smack to the gob in the dying minutes was presented with the bottomless mug and had this to say after the game. “MacGlashan? Tall guy right, complains a lot? Nah, we didn’t miss him…. Oh that’s Burgmann, sorry, Al’s the guy that was in Playboy and Chicago magazines right? , Nah, didn’t miss him at all. Was a great game from all concerned and kudos to the Rhinos who were bloody terrific and had a red hot shot at us. I reckon we proved a point to all tonight, the Piranhas are fair dinkum”.

Piranhas Serve Notice 0

Burgmann Fields, Chicago – After Chicago Mayor, Richard M. Daley, stood in front of a 500 strong crowd several years ago to rename this piece of Lincoln Park ‘Burgmann Fields’, there are rumors that it will again be renamed, this time to the Burgmann Cemetery after the big man was taken apart for the third time this season, this time by a suffocating Piranha defense led by Al MacGlashan and Jeremy Morgan. In troubling times for the brainstrust at Burgmann Towers, ahead of a must win MAAFL game against St Louis, Burgmann has not been able to get out of first gear kicking only 1 goal in Friday nights big clash where the Piranhas were finally able to overcome their nemesis and beat the Tigers for the first time in 3 seasons. Often frustrated by poor delivery, Tiger big guns Burgmann, Hoyt and Biggs took to any means necessary to get the ball but all to no avail as they were outmuscled and outnumbered by Kastilahn and his Piranhas.

The game started with a sensational turn out by both teams and for the first time in history, a full compliment of umpires each of who did a wonderful job it must be said. It was the Piranhas who looked the goods out of the blocks though with a lot of tough ball gets around the ground resulting in forward forays of which one ended up in the hands of big Roofy whose mark and goal started proceedings for the favourites. From then on the rest of the first quarter belonged to the Tigers with Poncho and Nemo getting on top down back and Billy and Graham dominating possession around the middle. Goals to Panek and Burgmann sent the Tigers into the first break 7 points up, 2.2: 14 to 1.1: 7.

With daughter Kathryn and very pregnant wife looking on loving from the sidelines, big Al Macglashan, kickless in the first, moved himself out of the forward line and back onto Burgmann who was starting to show signs of life finally. The effect was instant as he was able to shut down not only Burgmann but the entire Tiger forward line with the help of Morgan, Allen, BJ, DK and Worniak. Despite Graham and Poncho running riot through the center, the Tigers were not able to consolidate and were only able to add one goal for the term with the little big man, Juzzie Biggs kicking truly.

A frustrated Tigers line up went in to the half time huddle in front 3.4: 22 to LP’s 1.3: 9 and despite leading comfortably, all assembled realised this game should’ve been put to bed already as the Tigers were unable to capitalise on the great work being done by their backline and middle. The Piranhas were given a nice kick up the arse at half time as Kastilahn sensed the tired legs of the Tigers and demanded more from runners Hayze, Hoyt P, Cisco, Beau Rogers and Davey Allen. The Tiger forward line were asked a few questions from injured coach, Midway DeJong and as the two teams trotted out to start the premiership quarter, it was still anyones game.

The Piranhas started to gain the ascendency out of the middle with Davey Allen being well supplied by BJ in the ruck against newbie Jason Seidenberg who was playing a ripper for the Tigers. Pat Hoyt started to get more possessions and Ryan Hayze was finally being noticed by his teammates and was starting to run riot out wide and through the middle but alas, the delivery of the piranha middle men was atrocious and while Roofy tried, he was constantly out positioned by B.O.G Poncho Bradley and with great support from a determined Nemo, it became a game of backmen kicking it to each other. A classic crumbers goal to Dides broke the stalemate and produced the terms only goal after Burgmann’s shot at the end went out on the full from 30 meters out dead in front. At the orange break, the LS Tigers were hanging on 3.6: 24 to a sluggish Pirnaha outfit, 2. 5: 17.

Mustard willed the lads on as DK demanded more from his tiring Piranhas and it was clear that in this low scoring affair, whoever grabbed that first goal would control momentum so big Al threw himself up forward and started to take over. The Piranhas were full of piss and vinegar as Dides slipped through his second. After Beau Rogers kicked truly and LP hit the lead, it was clear changes needed to be made if the Tigers were to get out of this one. A tiring Nemo and Poncho battled valiantly but with a forward line functioning like a 2 bob watch, the ball was rebounding too quickly and despite valiant efforts by an impressive Seidenberg, a promising Soup and others, the Piranhas were to good. When Dougie fresh stepped in to mark and goal, the game was over and a victorious MacGlashan, interviewed after the game was full of praise for himself and his men. “Yeeeesssss mayyyte, I killed Wazza, did ya see that? The big galah didn’t know what hit him. But nah, the boys were good today but we need to work on a few things, especially the delivery to our forwards. Dougie Fresh was good, liked Hayzie on the wing and when we get Roofy going, it will be all good to go against the farken Rhino scum of Wrigleyville”.

We are missing 1 goal from the Piranhas. Whoever was wearing # 21 kicked it I think??

Rhinos Roar into Metro Grand Final 0

Burgmann Fields, Chicago IL- In a classic tussle between the Rhinos of Wrigleyville and the Piranhas of Lincoln Square, the Rhinos managed to triumph to ensure the privilage of defending their premiership against the Tigers of Lincoln Square.

In a game dominated by the wind, the Rhinos won the toss and kicked with the breeze in the first. Drake threw his big guns up forward in ‘Biggun’ Jackson and a refreshed Scotty McCoombe just off the plane from Oz. The two big men dominated as Panek in the ruck played an outstanding game against Tiny and was able to win several taps giving the dynamic Wolfe first use of the ball. McCoombe’s mark and goal was the games first before a big goal from Jacko set the crowd alight. The Piranhas, fearing a blow out strengthened their backline and double teamed the two big fellas which gave first Funky Miller and then MacGlashan Medal leading Gordo all the ball and space they needed. Through three brilliant snaps, they led the Rhinos into the quarter time break 5. 2: 32 to 0.1: 1 up but the Piranhas were licking their lips as they looked at the wind which had refused to die down and knew their chance was coming.

The Rhinos brought Jackson and Hoyt (B) back to strengthen the backline but all to little avail. Despite time wasting tactics and playing the boundary as oft as possible, the Piranhas were able to surge back through a midfield that had come alive. Deri Morgan and Betty Palmer were marvellous as they ran hard and often through a weakening Rhino line and set up many scoring opportunities for their forwards. In a strange move designed to keep the forward line open, Kastilahn left big guns MacGlashan and Roofy up the ground preffering to rely on Ehlers and an unfit Burgmann who was having a lot of trouble holding onto anything, let alone a football. Brian Hoyt had the better of Ehlers and B.O.G Miller the better of Burgmann but the Rhino backs couldn’t contain holidaying mercenary Paul whose three goals for the quarter were sheer class. The surprisingly quiet Roofy piped up to mark and goal to make it 4 for the quarter as the Piranhas showed they were certainly not a spent force. At the long break, the Rhinos clung to a 5.2: 32 to 4.2: 26 lead.

As in the first, Drake sent ‘Biggun’ Jackson and McCoombe up forward along with Anderson, the brothers Hoyt, Ambrosino and OBK to see if they could break the game open but the Piranhas were to strong and shut the big Rhino game winners down. Goal of the day came off the boot of Biggun as he broke two tackles and snapped truly from 45 out to break the Piranha strangelhold and shake off the determined tag of Poncho for a brief second . OBK marked truly in the goal square but decided to kick it 90 degrees the wrong way to bring up a point before the Piranhas were able to attack and get a great goal off the boot of Ehlers. Minutes late Ehlers, after a diving mark, had the chance to put the Pirnahas up but his shot from 25 out went left and the ensuing kick in found biggun Jackson whose bomb from 50 put the Rhino faithful in a better mood as they went into the orange break 2 goals up, 7. 3: 45 to 5.3: 33.

The last quarter was one of the best quarters in Metro footy history as both teams threw themselves at the ball and gave everything they had. The Rhinos learnt from their mistakes in the second quarter and strengthened their on ball division to quell the Pirnaha danger men of Hayse, Morgan and Palmer. The brothers Hoyt were marvellous down back along with Funky Miller and Toddy McClamroch as the Rhinos repelled forward foray after forward foray. Beau Rogers marked and goaled 10 yards out to bring the game to within a kick and with 3 minutes left, it was still anyones game. The Rhinos attacked and Anderson kicked an important behind (not Al’s!) to make the difference 7 points. In the ensuing time, players from both teams left everything they had out on the field as the Piranhas looked for that elusive goal and the Rhinos tried to stand tall. In the end, Kogs blew time and a relieved Rhino team emerged with a gutsy win. The Piranhas, while bitterly dissapointed, were not left empty handed as they reflected on a marvellous second half of the season that signalled their coming of age. Coming out of nowhere mid season, the Piranhas accounted for the Rhinos twice and lost heartbreakers twice to the Tigers. Their new recruits in Ternes, Monico and Morrisey were wonderful and the play of elder statesmen Ehlers, Deri Morgan and MacGlashan was heartwarming for both DK and the United selectors ahead of the Milwaukee clash proving why Metro football is so important to the future of the game in Chicago.

Piranhas Choke on Tiger Pie 0

Football is a heartbreaking and ruthless game at times that doesn’t care who is more or less deserving and so it was Friday night as the Piranhas faced off against a couple of Tigers and a lot of Rhinos in a game that was a must win for the boys from Lincoln Park.

Needing the win to jump the Rhinos on the ladder, the strong Piranha line up came out firing against a Tiger team decimated by injury, departures and god only knows what other calamities. Playing 14’s (very good turn out indeed), from the jump it looked like the Trixies were finally going to defeat their nemesis for the first time in Metro history. Roofy, playing across the half forward line was damaging and threatening to take the Tigers apart single handedly. He kicked his first and only bad kicking from LP prevented them from being further in front. The Tigers were able to hit back late but bad kicking for goal marred their chances to take an unlikely lead into the quarter time break. First quarter, LP led 1.3: 9 to 0.4: 4.

The second quarter mirrored the first with LP getting on top early through both Ternes and Roofy who were marking everything but the score didn’t reflect their dominance. Roofy added two more and Ternes one before Brian Hoyt started to impose his will on the game. He kicked his first before the OBK snagged his first via a classic snap to close the gate on an interesting first half. At the long break, the Pianhas led the Tigers 4.5: 29 to 2.4: 16

Kastilahn urged his Piranhas to go for the throat as they had all the play and had held the Tiger ball movers well. Their forwards were active if inaccurate and the Piranha defence was miserly with DK, Cisco, Byron and MacGlashan all doing the job. On the other hand, a desperate Mustard looked for a spark anywhere and moved Drake away from the suffocating tag of Beau Rogers and onto Ternes and Jez into the middle as well as having new guy Arneau turn up along with game winner Craig Miller.

The third quarter marked a Tiger turn around as they started to run harder and hit harder than the shell shocked Piranhas. Tiger stars Uhlmann and Hoyt were on fire as well as Monico whose form in his first season is nothing short of remarkable. New gun Neil Morrisey started to pick Roofy apart, shutting him out of the game in a great performance by the new fella and all of a sudden the opportunities for the Piranhas started to dry up. Hoyt kicked his second and Uhlmann slammed on another as the Tigers shut out the Piranhas and at the orange break she was a three point game with the fading Piranhas hanging on 4.7: 31 to 4.4: 28.

The last quarter was a cracker with the Piranhas swinging MacGlashan up forward and with no options for the Tigers, he was picked up by Pat Hoyt who was giving away a mere 4 feet and 100 pounds to the big fella but managed to keep him quiet and in the process pick up a couple of kicks and timely marks which further frustrated the Piranha faithful. All of that MacGlashan height and muscle was felt by Morrisey as big Al let the Piranha frustration out with a hit for the ages that left the new fella seeing stars for a few minutes.

Best on ground Brian Hoyt booted his third to put the Tigers in front for the first time but the Piranhas hit back with a fortuitous goal to Ternes after a very deft pass from big Al. The final last frantic minutes were sensational as each teams backline stood tall as the midfields of each team ran themselves silly. The ball finally fell to a crumbing Jezza (playing for Lincoln Square) who after a bit of a duck and weave slammed on the winning goal (on the left boot just quietly) to allow the Tigers to run out 5 point winners, 6.6: 42 to 5.7: 37

A devastated Piranha team watched on as the Tigers marched into the second annual Metro grand final. This was certainly a bitter pill to swallow for a dominant piranha team that should have won this game. The last metro game is a big one indeed as the Piranhas look to rebound from this devastating loss to face the Rhinos in a game that will decide the Tigers opponent in the GF. The piranhas need a handy win while the Rhinos can be satisfied with a win, draw or slight loss although it is obvious they will be looking to put the result beyond doubt as soon as possible in that game. This is the perfect showdown at the business end of the season and all Rhinos and Piranhas are encouraged to turn up.

The battle of the MacGlashan medal heats up even more as both Hoyt and Roofy join Oscar and Gordo on 13 a piece and with his best on ground performance, Hoyt appears to be a front runner in the Burgmann Medal as well, particularly as the Rhino and Piranha playmakers struggle for consistency.