Posted by Thomas Shearman

Burgmann fields, Chicago IL- For some it was a sad day, for others it was wonderful to see how our great game continues to evolve in our great city as Wrigleyville, led by the once dominant and unstoppable force of Mark Jackson bowed before the new tyrant, the dangerous Dave Allen and his Piranhas. For those present, there is not much argument that if the dangerous Allen didn’t show up, the Rhinos win this game by 10 goals. Even with him the Rhinos should have won but as they say in the classics, “bad kicking is bad football” and Funky will be a distraught soul after his Rhinos continued to defy logic and lost another heart breaker last friday.

The game started with a stacked Rhino team applying all the pressure. Jackson was back from South America and gun recruit Spider Plant was back in the famous powder blue. The Rhinos attacked with gusto but kicking for goal was atrocious and when Spider finally got one on line, that was stopped by the Kid who smelled and easy one but dropped the grab and watched horrified as it trickled over the line.
At the other end, a very bored MacGlashan and Drake squared up on each other with new Rhino gun John Scher taking Monico on in the pocket. While Al and Scher were having a smoke around the tennis courts, the ball finally came down and low and behold, a tinny bounce lands straight into the arms of Monico who is 20 yards behind the play doing his hair and he kicks truly to totally piss off everyone there, except his adoring sister of course.

The play continues to be dominated by the Rhinos but fat lot of good it did them as on the next Piranha foray forward 10 minutes later, Monico marks and after looking for MacGlashan and not finding him (he was teaching Drake how to change dirty diapers behind the goals by this time), sprays a shot off his boot and finds his big, goofy brother in law standing there picking his nose and the ball miraculously lands in his hands and he kicks the Piranhas second of the quarter to totally humiliate the Rhino forwards. At the first break, LP 2.1: 13 led WV 0.5: 5 (not a typo)

The second quarter mirrored the first as Wrigleyville, in complete control of the game, continued to assume that the ever dangerous Dave Allen was in fact a goal post and constantly aim their kicks at him in the hopes the bastard would get a nasty bout of leather poisoning and piss off! But alas it was not to be and the Piranha dangerman raked in a good 345 possessions for the quarter, all on the last bloody line of defence. In the middle for Wrigleyville, Ash Johnson was getting plenty of it and the 2 soccer boys in Crackers Brennan and Tommy gun were on fire and it was Crackers who finally slotted one through for the Rhinos. The two times it went down the other end the Piranhas scored majors with Dan Thunder Thompson soccering one through and Billy popping up for a nice goal as well as the search for MacGlashan and Drake continued. At the half, the Piranhas led WV 4.5: 29 to 1.7: 13 (still, not a typo)

A pissed off Funky Miller threw Drake down to full forward after he and Al got back from the game of tennis they were having. MacGlashan went into the center (or wherever he wanted pretty much) and the Piranhas tried to turn the screws as the Rhinos tried to claw their way back into contention. Drake got the first of the quarter with a lovely handball from Crackers leaving BJ stuck in no mans land. The Rhinos continued to attack and were rewarded with a lovely goal to Tommy gun who is showing that he could be an important player for many a year for the United team. When Drake marked over the top of Gambaro and kicked the Rhinos third for the quarter, worrying sounds started to eminate from the bowels of Al MacGlashan (those who have shared a room with him on trips will know this sound). But his impending kidney stone was put on hold for a bit as Thunder banged home his second to give the Piranhas some breathing space. At the orange break, LP led 5.7: 37 to WV 4.10: 34 (seriously, 4.10!) and a classic last quarter was on the cards.

The Rhinos until now had certainly had the better of the Piranhas and had run hard all day but after throwing everything they had at them at the start of the final term, the Piranhas saw out the storm and then started banging on goals as a desperate Rhino team struggled to hold on. The danger man for LP, Dave Allen kicked his first to send the Piranhas further in front but his second, a classic snap on the left foot across the body (from a guy whose kicking style Burgmann earlier referred to as “a drunken horse trying kicking an octopus underwater while evading a shark”) was the poachers bullet to the Rhino heart and despite the amazing efforts of Panek (on Roofy), Scher (on half their team), Brennan and Funky Miller, the mighty Piranhas continued their march to September glory, even without the services of LP guns Kastilahn, Deri Morgan, Palmer and le presidente.

Results

Team Q1 Q2 Q3 Q4 Final
Rhinos 0.5.5 1.2.8 3.3.21 0.2.2 4.12.36
Piranhas 2.1.13 2.4.16 1.2.8 2.2.14 7.9.51
Goals Rhinos: Drake (2), Gizynski T, Brennan
Piranhas: Allen D (2), Thompson D (2), Ward, Uhlmann, Brian Monico
Best Rhinos: Gizynski T, Brennan, Jackson, Miller, Johnson, Scher, Panek, Morgan J
Piranhas: Allen D, Thompson D

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