News — rhinos


2011 Metro Round 3 - Wrigleyville vs Lincoln Square 0


Q1 Q2 Q3 Final
Wrigleyville 1.4.10 3.6.24 7.11.53 9.13.67
Lincoln Square 2.3.15 5.5.35 5.6.36 8.9.55

WV: Nolan 3, Hayzie 2, Gary, Ortiz, Patrick, Knopp
LS: Oscar, Crackers 3, Bart D, Al

2011 Friday Night Footy Kickoff 0

The 2011 kicks off Friday night with a blockbuster evening of Aussie Rules footy down at the lake front.  Not one, not two.. but THREE games to kick off the 2011 Metro season.  The triple-header kicks off at 6pm at Burgmann fields (3500 N Recreation Dr) – after the games, head over to the Brownstone to celebrate your first kick of the season, your first goal of the season, possibly your first win of the season but more than likely your first Golden Goose nomination of the season. Our field reporter Hoyt (B) has the following preview of the action.

Game #1 Tigers vs. Piranhas

In the first game of the year we see the reigning premiers Lincoln Square Tigers taking on the Lincoln Park Piranhas in a rematch of the 2010 Grand Final. The Tigers are led by co-captains Brian Hoyt and Graham “Crackers” Brennan but have years of CAFA experience rounding out the rest of the team. The Piranhas are led into battle by former US Revolution standout BJ Gambaro and CAFA legend Danny Kastilahn.

The Tigers bring a strong midfield of Crackers, Tommy Gun, and 2010 Rookie of the year Eric Zukowski. All three have the experience and speed necessary to get the ball out of the middle. Once the ball gets moving forward they have multiple targets in the 2010 MacGlashan award winner Paul “Oscar” Meyer, 2007 co-Burgmann award winner Hoyt, and the man, the myth, the legend.…Al MacGlashan.

The Piranhas will be answering with their own formidable midfield made up of Billy “Peanut” Uhlman, Sammy “Miami” Blundell, and Vince “Crabs” Doorhy. On paper this is definitely the fastest midfield of the entire metro comp. The Piranhas also bring years of experience and talent to their backfield made up of 2010 MAAFL MVP Frank “Poncho” Bradley, Dougie “Fresh” Malcolm, Kastilahn, and Gambaro.

Key Match ups:
Oscar vs. Poncho
Midfield vs. Midfield
Gambaro vs. MacGlashan
Poncho vs. His Shoulder
Kastilahn and Hoyt vs. Heart Attack


Game #2 Tigers vs. Rhinos

This game sees the rematch of the 2009 Grand Final and brings with it all the bad blood between these sides. There has been lots of trash talking on the part of the Rhino leadership specifically 2009 & 2010 Runaway Train Award Winner Adrian “Rocky” Deehan. Not much has been heard from co-captain Toby Allen(mainly because he hasn’t shown up to training). Nobody is really sure what to make of this team just quite yet. On paper they look to be loaded with Aussie talent but they seem to be lacking in leadership and have not shown up well to training.

From what we have seen this year the Rhinos will be bringing a strong mix of veteran players and promising young talent. The scouts have been impressed by new CAFA players Daniel Knopp and LJ Eve and expect big things from them this year. They should work well with 2010 Burgmann award winner Matt Leibowitz, CAFA legends Dave “Fitzy” Fitzgerald, Matt “Betty” Palmer, and the ever elusive Nolan McKeegan. The Rhinos also welcome back the legendary Paul Drake and hope his hammy is healed up after trying to do his best Steve Smith impersonation while showing off his American football skills.

The Tigers will hit back in this game with some crafty veterans of their own. Craig “Funky” Miller has been rumored to be returning to the pitch and will be leading the charge along with Brett “Pablo” Isadore, Mike “Disco” Panek, and 2010 Coaches award winner Pedro “Taco” Jimenez. The Tigers have also been impressed with their new crop of young talent specifically Kyle Peters and Clancy Kornie and expect big things from them this year.

Key Match ups:
Leibowitz vs. whoever gets the task of marking him
McKeegan vs. His Jumper
Betty vs. Taco
Rocky vs. Chicago Police Department
Drakey vs. His Hammy


Game #3 Rhinos vs. Piranhas

This match could come down to youth vs. experience as the Piranhas will try and use their young legs to run past the more experienced Rhinos. The Piranhas have a talented crop of 2nd and 3rd year veterans lining up against some CAFA royalty.

The youth movement of the Piranhas could be an exciting thing to watch develop over the course of the season. Strong rookie years by stand out ruckman Jason “Pony Boy” Wilhelm, forward Brandon “Night Stalker” Harper, and Jason Schmelzer are expected to be followed up with an even stronger sophomore seasons. Hopefully the experience of veterans such as Deri Morgan, John “Fish” Doorhy, and Tyler “Minutes” Dorsett can rub off on the young guns and steer them towards another Grand Final. The Piranhas have also added some new CAFA talent this season by drafting Lars Christianson and Steve Cassity who have both looked strong in pre-season trainings.

They say that youth is wasted on the young and if that’s the case then the grizzled Rhino veterans have nothing to worry about. With United regulars Ryan Hayes, Toby Allen, and 2007 co-Burgmann award winner Drew Wolfe anchoring this team they are looking to set sail towards their triumphant return to the Grand Finals. But it doesn’t end there for the Rhinos in terms of experience. The Rhinos return the ever fit Jeremy “Jezza” Morgan, Pat “Sniper Shot” Hoyt, and a man that needs no introduction but we’ll give it anyway….Frank “Outback Kid” Plummer. The Rhinos also bring in their own crop of 2nd year talent consisting of the scrappy Ben Hanisch, Dave Deutz, David “Big Papi” Ortiz, and Josh “Stank” Stenger who will all look to continue on their first year success.

Key Matchups:
Billy vs. Hayzie II (The scrap after the tap)
OBK vs. Whiskey, Cohibas, and all the ladies
Tyler vs. Throwing up
Deri vs. Anyone understanding what he is saying

Game 1 – Lincoln Square vs Lincoln Park


Lincoln Square 1.4.10
Lincoln Park 1.1.7
LS: Oscar
LP: Dougie

Game 2 – Lincoln Square vs Wrigleyville


Lincoln Square 1.1.7
Wrigleyville 3.2.20
LS: ?
WV: Nolan, Fitzy, Wolfie

Game 3 – Lincoln Park vs Wrigleyville


Lincoln Park 0.0.0
Wrigleyville 5.1.31
WV: Nolan 2, Drakey, Hayzie, Knopp

Metro Rosters Set 0

The 2011 Chicago Footy Draft Party at the GasLight Bar and Grill was a great success. There were many enthusiastic new faces with almost every veteran carefully dissecting each roster. Which team is the sleeper team? Which team has the stacked roster? It looks to be a great season!!!

See the 2011 Metro Team rosters below:

Rhinos (Wrigleyville)  Piranhas (Lincoln Park)  Tigers (Lincoln Square) 
Toby Allen (C)
Adrian Deehan (C)
Adam Horvath
Anson Best
Ben Hanisch
Daniel Knopp
Dave Sheridan
David Deutz
David Fitzgerald
David Ortiz
Dean Dribbon
Drew Wolfe
Franklin Plummer
Ivan Kovosevic
James Richards
Jeremy Morgan
Josh Stenger
LJ Eve
Matt Leibowtiz
Matt Palmer
Nolan McKeegan
Pat Hoyt
Pat Reilly
Paul Drake
Ryan Hayes
Danny Kastilan (C)
BJ Gambaro (C)
Billy Uhlmann
Brandon Harper
Chris Bradshaw
Deri Morgan
Doug Malcolm
Frank Bradley
Jason Schmelzer
Jason Wilhelm
Jeff Osowski
Jen Walsh
John Doorhy
Lars Christianson
Matt Reid
Megan Walsh
Nate Ward
Pat McHale
Sam Blundell
Steve Cassity
Steve Perry
Tristian Cheal
Tyler Dorsett
Tyler Smith
Vince Doorhy
Crackers (C)
Brian Hoyt (C)
Al McGlashan
Bart D
Brett Isadore
Clancy Corny
Conner (Cracker’s mate)
Craig Miller
Eric Zukowski
Henry (new)
Jeff Borchardt
Joel Volotzky
John Scher
Kyle Joseph
Martin Boo Boo
Michael Robinson
Mike Panek
Nolan Schmelzer
Pedro Jimenez
Rohan Ward
Tommy Gun
Tyler Hattery
Warwick Bergman

2010 Metro Rd 9 0


Team Q1 Q2 Q3 Q4 Final
Piranhas 2.5.17 1.2.8 4.6.30 0.2.2 7.15.57
Rhinos 1.0.6 2.2.14 1.1.7 2.3.15 6.6.42
Goals Piranhas: Hanisch (3), Ehlers (2), MacGlashan, Zukowski
Rhinos: Deehan (2), Allen T
Best Piranhas: None
Rhinos: None

2010 Metro Rd 7 0


Team Q1 Q2 Q3 Q4 Final
Rhinos 0.0.0 0.0.0 0.0.0 2.5.17 2.5.17
Tigers 0.0.0 0.0.0 0.0.0 9.5.59 9.5.59
Goals Rhinos: None
Tigers: None
Best Rhinos: None
Tigers: None

Rhinos to Notch Win # 1 0

CHICAGO, IL- The headlines in both the Sun Times and the Trib said it all after the big Milwaukee beat down by United “Hayes… O-U-T… O-M-G”. The little champion sustained a broken finger and will (hopefully) miss this massive game against the cellar dwelling Rhinoceros’. He is the biggest name from a long list of players out injured or sucking up to their girlfriends and driving 6 hours to spend some time with her parents in Columbus (no names mentioned here as we have to keep it a secret from Rocky in case he decides to tag along and claim his old pal back). While the Piranhas will be missing Hayse, the Rhinos go in without Forte and Eli Rosen (both forever, tempted by the naked Germans that hang out in all those lovely parks in Berlin), John Scher who has lost his backbone, Tobias Allen (apparently Braz did catch him!!!) and finally Jeremy Morgan but who really cares? The Rhinos have the Kid and he hasn’t been seen for awhile. Rumors abound of a former 400 pounder pounding the southside pavements and it is not Bobby Jenks. Apparently the kid has dropped a lazy 50 lbs and is again beating Oscar in sprints and he will lead a hungry Rhino outfit into battle against the highly fancied Piranhas.

MacGlashan is coming off his best game in nigh on 3 years with his best on ground performance for the Old Guns in the old boys clash over the weekend. Ehlers looked good, if horribly, horribly slow and Betty Palmer will be looking to bust a few heads. Roofy hopefully, wont play but you never know with him do ya? MacGlashan and Hayse have offered a limousine and baby sitter on top of his already hefty salary but this still might not be ebough to tempt him into playing on a rock hard ground in 90 degree temps.

This game has all the hallmarks of an upset. The Piranhas have the experience, the height, the Paddys and one Nolan McKeegan but without Hayse, they could be the proverbial ship without a rudder. The Rhinos have…., well, given more time I am sure to think of something… got it… the better looking outfits! The Rhinos have a surprise, an ace up the sleeve, a dum- de- dum… a ringer! Not gonna say much more apart from the lad is from Maryknoll, a beautiful town of 23 people, 300, 000 sheep and 500, 000 cows and triple that in Kangaroos. A statue of our lady greets weary visitors who curse the dirt road that takes you up to Maryknoll so you know it is a lovely spot….. forgot to mention the 9999999999999999, 99999999999, 99999999999913 bloody Mozzies that inhabit the area too. Anyway, I have a ringer… or do I? Is this mrely a ruse to get MacGlashan worried? Unless its Chris Judd or Matty Richardson himself, how can one man even help the Rhinos. Lets see……… Gore Gore Gore!

Piranhas by 10 goals

WHERE: Waveland Park, Waveland and LSD
WHEN: Fri, July 16th at 6pm
WHO: LP Piranhas v WV Rhinos
WHAT ELSE: Tigers to supply umps and hopefully lots of beer coz its gonna be hotter than Rockys arse after a night in the slammer with his old mate ‘Bubba’… Al told me mate, tough break. Here you are still friends on facebook though? That’s nice.
BIG MATCH UPS: Ward v Disco, Drake v Ehlers, Blundell v Palmer
WHO TO WATCH: LP: Ward, Fresh, McKeegan
WV: Hattery, Stenger and Blundell… the form player in the competition


Team Q1 Q2 Q3 Q4 Final
Rhinos 0.0.0 0.0.0 0.0.0 0.1.1 0.1.1
Piranhas 0.0.0 0.0.0 0.0.0 0.2.2 0.2.2
Goals Rhinos: None
Piranhas: None
Best Rhinos: None
Piranhas: None